Enlisting Cooperation From Kids
Kids are like adults: They don't like to be told what to do! But since your challenge as a parent or guardian is to train your child to be able to function in this world - you do need to guide them in a positive direction by enlisting their cooperation in taking care of what needs to be done. Instead of spitting out orders, nagging, railing, or moralizing, we accomplish the training with parental wisdom and get youngsters to do what they need to learn to do. Here are some suggestions:
- Whenever possible, cut tasks into doable segments, and do your best to make work into play: Ex. "Let's listen to a Hannah Montana song while we clear the floor of toys and laundry."
- Join them, or get them working with a buddy - competitively or cooperatively: Being unformed, kids can easily become overwhelmed, lonely, or bored when doing something by themselves. Whenever possible, team them up for an undesired task. You can even offer to join them in cleaning up or doing chores - as long as you don't take the task over and do it all for them. By joining them in an activity you provide special attention and have a chance to become a cheerful role model who shows the right approach to tacking a job. Your kids can learn from your positive attitude and helpfulness how to take on a task, one step at a time. In time, they will master the task and may even come to feel enjoyment from it. Working side by side beats yelling and ordering them around!
- Be kind to your child's self-esteem. Like all human beings, children hate to be criticized or put down. It's easy to go after a kid who is resistant to working, but please vow to speak carefully even when you are frustrated. Harsh words are a rejection brings out the worst in everyone, especially kids. Inside their private hearts, kids are generally longing for parental warmth and approval, whether they show it or not. Speak kindly to them and give them the same respect that you would a friend.
- Don't panic when your child makes a mistake. First, calm yourself, take a deep breath, and then ask for your child to explain his or her side of the story without jumping to conclusions. Think about how you would have wanted your parents to handle your childhood mistakes Let your judgments be sound and rational - not harsh and punative.
- Speak to your child in warm, friendly tones - and listen with your heart as well as your ears. Preaching, scolding, and threatening will get you nothing but an impaired relationship. The communication between you and your child needs to be a two way street or you may wind up with fasle fronts and superficial communication which feels empty and sad to both parties no matter if those feelings are buried or disguised.
- Allow your children to form, express, and have their own opinions. Sometimes family members agree; sometimes they disagree. Parents can force their opinions upon their kids temporarility, but in the long run that strategy will not pay off.
- Face facts: When kids don't like something, there is little you can do to change their minds. But they don't have to like something to do it either. Writing thank you notes may seem a chore, but nevertheless, they must be written. Don't require them to like a task, just require them to do it with - as little complaining as possible.
Adapted from Jane R. Rosen-Grandonm 1995
